Check out this version of FOX Sports’ Sports Science, where Fast Plastic champion Joel Deroche faces off with LA Dodger James Loney.

CHICAGO – Congratulations are in order for our Windy City compatriart, Eric “Its Good to be” King, and his lovely Queen Tiffany, as we understand they are expecting their first child in June.
The King allegedly “guarantees” that he’ll be in attendance at Harvard in August, to keep his streak of 4 straight Fatties intact.
Here’s a look at the happy couple, who are hopeful for a healthy child and a better haircut than the his.

The following is a shout out from Brian Meyers of the Kalamazoo Wiffle League and this year’s Sexy Keepers of the Keys and Grounds:

Our Apology to the Fatty.
I would like to apologize on behalf of the Sexy Keepers for this past weekend’s melt down. The disrespect shown towards the Fat Bastard Tournament was unmerited and in poor taste. We did not mean for our frustration to become personal attacks on other players, the tournament or organizers of the tournament. We handled ourselves in a very immature way and I am sincerely sorry. I would also like to apologize to Pinch the Hitter and Pants for Peavler for our unacceptable poor sportsmanship. I am embarrassed by our antics and certainly never intended for this to become what it has.

-Brian Meyers, Sexy Keepers
*****
Thank you for your classy message and follow up. Its behind us.
-The Fatties.

GRAND RAPIDS – Someone got their picture in the paper, and they didn’t even rob a bank to do it! Looks like getting canned from that last place wasn’t so bad, huh?

Congrats on the new gig…now get back to work!

(Click the thumbnail for the larger view).

GRAND RAPIDS – Congratulations to erstwhile Fatty, Scott “B-Tram” Leuchtmann and “A+” on the birth of their first little piglet!

“I have an announcement! Samuel Allen Leuchtmann was born Monday night at 6:15. He weighs in at an even seven pounds, and measures 20.5 inches. Everyone is doing fantastic!” wrote B-Tram, notifying the front offices of his fatherhood.

All the best to the Leuchtmann’s!

GRAND RAPIDS – A freak gas explosion rocked the Eastown section of Grand Rapids today, where a “Friend of the Fatties,” Neil Trevisan, owner of Neil Patricks, was injured when the building in which his business was in literally disappeared.

“He was in the building and smelled gas when the thing blew up,” said Eric “EZ-E” Albertson, who spoke with a mutual friend at the hospital with Neil. “The building came down, with him in it, and he literally woke up and crawled to daylight to get out of the smoke and rubble.”

Fatty veteran Trey “The Bookie” Sumner works in the building next door, but was not there at the time of the incident.

“I spoke to my co-worker, and she said there was a huge ‘boom’ and people came running in telling everyone to ‘Get out!’” said Sumner.

Eastown is a densely populated, revitalized area of town, full of stores, restaurants and shops.

For a full account of the blast, video and many more photos, click HERE.

“We had a debate about this a month ago and I need to know – what was Alex’ record for porkchops in one sitting?”
- O.B.

“I am fairly certain it was 14… You were only allowed two porkchops per plate, a rule that STILL has Alex b*tching. I remember 14 because there were 7 plates stacked high on Alex’ tray. Alex, being pissed, refused to return his tray to the wash area. I think it took 3 dining commons employees to carry that one tray back…
He is a beauty. “
- EZ-E.

“I thought it was closer to 20 but it was definitely at least 14.  That was an amazing display.”
- O.B.

“Because there is no ‘official count’ – I’d say at least 20, closer to 25!”
- Senator Byrne

“I remember 22 Chops and 11 plates.  I may be off by one or two, but Eric was dead on about the 2 limit per plate and me leaving the piles on the table.  I am not sure what was better, the crap I got from you guys to go up and get another plate or the look on the poor girl’s face that I exploded on after the 2nd trip through the line and all of the subsequent trips through the line.  I still remember the look of disgust on her face after the 4th time she saw me back in line. 
Anyone got and Hienz 57?”
- Alex, an honorary Fatty from the Chip days.

WIXOM – Longtime Friend of the Fatties, Keith “Alex” Alexander has apparently been offered a tryout in the new All American Football League, a new “professional” league starting this spring.

“I just got an invitation in the mail to attend the Draft for this league.  Anyone interested in taking my place?  As I look at my schedule for that day, I will be pre-occupied with taking a dump, then watching paint dry, followed by staring out the window.  Here’s the link: http://www.allamericanfootballleague.com/index.php,” writes Alex.

“Come on, look at our coach.  If he brings his brother along then it may be somewhat exciting!  But it would be worth a road trip just to head back down to Knox-vegas one more time.  And I wouldn’t even care if we made it to the game or not.”

The Colonel isn’t so sure. “Uh, nice league logo, thats about it. I think they need to spice things up with some different team names: Alabama WhipCrackers (no coloreds need apply),  Arkansas A**Grabbers (with a big leering photo of Bill Clinton on the helmet, purple of course), Florida Flamers (home games at South Beach), Michigan Millens (a whole team of wide receivers), Tennessee TrailerTrash (Velvet Elvis for a logo), and the Texas Halliburtons (secretly funded by Saudi Arabia). Who’s gonna watch this crap?”

We’ll await more from Alex and look forward to his potential debut.

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – 2005 Rookie of the Year, Brad “Master” Mixan, has been “outed!” No… not that kind of outing, but the other kind.
As suspected with his super-human tolerance levels and ability to order a “Cleveland Steamer” at your friendly, neighborhood Qboda Mexican Grill, it has been revealed by sources that he is actually a real, live superhero (!), as these images of his alter-ego prove.
We’ll look forward to seeing him this weekend, where perhaps we can get him to sign one of our beverage containers, which we’ll, of course, immediately look to hock on eBay.
If you want to know which Super-Hero you most closely resemble, click here.

GRAND RAPIDS – A little Sumner met a little Lurvey (which seems a bit redundant, doesn’t it?) at the ol’ ballpark recently, as Fatty offspring Tyler – outfitted as a little Cub – and Mike “Curvy” Lurvey’s kid, Bret, met for a matchup of future Fatties. They were competitors at a recent T-Ball game, and reportedly, had better arms than each of their fathers.
Click on the image for a full view.