IRAQ – Wiffle ball has made quite an impression out here at Diwo – people all over the country are talking about the game – and the team to beat – here at our FOB. It is tradition for every unit rotating through to paint a mural on a T-wall to mark their time at any given location. Usually it’s the company patch or, if someone is feeling really creative, something tough and bad-ass with skulls, the ace of spades, dragons and what-not. The overwhelming vote here was to design a mural involving wiffleball – and this is the design that SPC Wheeler came up with. She’ll be painting it on the wall over the next few weeks.

In wiffle news……

We are planning our inter-company tourney once we are all consolidated again. In Tallil, there have been many games played against the Brigade team – which consists mostly of staff weinies who are probably only out there because the Commander ordered them to so that he could field a complete team.

Our HQ team has successfully beaten them multiple times, led by Paul “Guess what I bought today” Chevrette. Of course, ad Diwaniyah is the place for the toughest game and the Diwo squad is the odds-on favorite to win the company tournament.
Notable players over the last few weeks:
Matt “I Surrender” Rouleau, despite being French, has emerged as the front runner to capture MVP for the year…although we haven’t seen if he’ll be too dispirited to play after his beloved Canadiens failed to make to the finals even after cheating.
Erich “The Hebrew Hammer” Fricke is bound and determined to prove that he can field a grounder while smoking a cigar, holding an N/A beer and not moving more than 1/4 inch to the left or right under any circumstances. We’re still waiting…..
Trey “The Bookie” Sumner is not nearly as good as he thinks he is.
Vinny “The NCOIC” Lugg also thinks that Sumner is not as good as he thinks he is.
Brittany “Samurai” Wheeler is the best chick on the field – and if you call her “chick” she’ll stab you.
Creg “Check out my Calves” Gizicki is very sensitive and if I say he’s not good he’ll tell Cam on me and I’ll get yelled at. So, he’s awesome!
Chris “Sign the Bat” Malloy is far and away the home run leader and always feared at the plate. He’ll whine incessantly if you pitch him anything but meatballs to help pad his stats.
Kevin “The Crusher” Doyle his best skill on the field is crushing….spirits. For you stateside Fatties, imagine Trey and Moop combined but with panache, savoir faire and subtlety. I’ve heard people in their rooms sobbing hours after his verbal attacks have really sunk in.
Steve “The HOB” Couture in a bullshit feel-good award ceremony back at FT Hood (3 weeks before we left) some MAJ awarded Steve a coin and proclaimed him the HERO OF THE BATTLE! As a result, everything he does is notable and above criticism or mockery. Rouleau will probably be stripped of MVP honors so they can be appropriately awarded to the HOB!
Lance “The Mentalist” Biehn is a triple threat guy – solid fielding, pitching and batting – Lance is the one you never see coming but who’s consistent play usually results in a win.
Dave “Don’t call me Gay” Mattimore said I could include him in this review as long as I didn’t say he was gay. So let me make it clear that I am not outing my Commander here. He did want me to include that his favorite Broadway musical is A Streetcar named Desire, he desperately wishes that the ascot would come back into style, and Judy Garland singing “Clang, Clang, Clang Goes The Trolley” in Meet Me in St. Louis is to die for. He’s ok at wiffle ball.

I’m heading home in a few days for a couple weeks of leave – looking forward to seeing the family and trying that thing I’ve heard so much about….beer? Hopefully I’m not in too much trouble with the Commander when I get back.
- The Bookie

The following is a  shout out from Trey “The Bookie” Sumner, somewhere in Iraq:

The Boston Marathon sanctions a satellite marathon here in Tallil.

I learned of this 5 months ago and challenged some soldiers to do it. Two of the soldiers on my site, SPC Danielle Fester and SPC Diane Cammarata,  agreed and we spent the last 5 months training for this.

500 miles, 8 pairs of shoes, 2 lost toenails, multiple knee/ hamstring and foot injuries, 1 close call on finding a latrine during a long run and god-only-knows-how-much pain later…we set out for Tallil.

We linked up with CPT Jenny Stevenson and SGT Steve Couture and after a one day delay due to sand storms we ran the Tallil satellite Boston Marathon.

Steve was the fast one – he completed it in 4 hours 17 minutes, the rest of us finished at 6 hours 31 minutes. It was a big accomplishment for everyone,especially considering the conditions and course, but I’m especially proud of Danielle – 6 months ago she could not pass her 2 mile run on her physical fitness test and through a lot of hard work she is now a marathon athlete.

IRAQ – Trey “The Bookie” Sumner informs the Front Office of an upcoming “Officer’s Challenge” to take place this Sunday in Iraq. Over the past several weeks, during down time in country, Sumner has reportely whupped up on a few rookie wifflers, including at least one of his superior officers. And, as the “Chatty Kathy” we know and love, he hasn’t let the matter rest. Allegedly, he’s been issuing challenges all the way up to General, and apparently, the word has gotten around.

“The Brigade Commander has ordered my one of our support units and my commander to assemble teams for a 3 team mini tournament tomorrow evening,” writes Trey. “He’s really ****ng serious about this. He wants my head on a platter. I’m trying to wager paychecks with him.”

Trey’s hopes, of course, rely on the inability of his oppenents to throw strikes, so this mini-Fatty has been moved to an indoor facility, in hopes of reducing interference of the elements. This event has received official sanctioning by Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball as a preliminary exhibition to Fat Bastard Iraq II, taking place shortly.

Our advice to the Brigade Commander: don’t wager him, don’t listen to him and, for Pete’s sakes,  hit the strike zone.

We’ll look forward to the updates to come…

The following is an update from Fatty Trey “The Bookie” Sumner, currently stationed in Iraq:

IRAQ -
First off all – thanks for the case of wiffle balls!
We now have leagues set up at 3 different sites – ad Diwoniyah, Al Kut and Tallil – around the country and are finalizing the plans for Fatty Iraq 2010.
Participation has been great! We have had visiting players from the TMC and from ODA and, most recently, had a visit from our BGD XO.

In Fatty tradition, I bet my site commander that I could get him out to play wiffle ball. He agreed and I may have been throwing around just a very small amount of mild smack talk (Moop & EZ: I wish you could have been here!) about getting the chance to beat up on an O5 – turns out he was a baseball star at West Point and was more than happy to come out and play. He was a natural at wiffle ball, but my team played well and we beat his team 8 – 2. He was a great sport about it (can you tell a LTC to get the **** out of your batters box after you strike him out?) as I have yet to see any disciplinary paperwork.

He has also agreed to see if he can find a General to come out next time he visits so that we can have a 2 on 2 match. Although, he wasn’t happy about losing, I think I have a pretty good chance at getting to strike out a fat stack of officer this deployment. If that one happens there will pics and video for sure. Unless I lose…in which case it will have never happened.

- Trey

HARVARD – As seen in the previous couple of posts, our lovable degenerate gambler, Trey “The Bookie” Sumner is currently involved with a government sponsored tour of Iraq, where he is arranging “Fat Bastard Iraq II,” the second national championship tournament.
Due to the extreme conditions and concrete playing surfaces, the wiffle balls they brought along have deteriorated quickly.
“Wiffle is picking up fast  here, and we’re running out of balls…right now, we’re destroying about a dozen balls a month at our site…and there’s two sites playing, with the potential for more” said Sumner in an email to the home office. “We’ve got at least seven more months in country – at a minimum.”
As such, he’s appealed to the Fatties to replenish his supply with a shipment of 150 new balls.
We intend to so so.
In lieu of a fund-raiser, we’re asking any interested Fatties and fans to hit up the DONATION page and throw in $10 to the cause. With the coffers currently dry, we estimate that buying and shipping in bulk should allow us to get the job done for around $200, so 20 of you can make it happen.
Thank you, in advance!
**** UPDATE FROM THE HOME OFFICE: Thank you for a tremendous response from all the Fatties!!! We’re happy to announce that a dozen dozen wiffle balls are on their way to Iraq, as of today, courtesy of Brian at EXCURSIONS Journey to Health online eBay store. Be sure to check him our for your wiffle supplies as well!
Thanks to Brian and all the Fatties who responded so quickly…and thanks, most of all, to our men and women in the Middle East! We’ll look forward to the next update from Fat Bastard Iraq II.

We have finally made it to our FOB and have gotten settled in. Being MEDEVAC, we have a very small number of people on site and most of us are either working or on call at any given moment. Wiffle ball is quickly emerging as the recreation of choice as it is easy to quickly set up and take down and requires only a few people to play. We’ve been playing at least every other day – here are the highlights up to this point.

– SPC Fricke took a hilarious bouncing grounder to the face (a cement flight line isn’t the ideal field surface) but shut everyone up with outstanding hitting to include a beautiful line drive triple in high winds.
– CW4 Bradley hasn’t actually played, but has entertained himself sitting on top of the CHU’s (housing) with a bb gun taking pot shots at everyone on the field. Makes for a more interesting game. I think we should consider adding this in Fatty 2010.
– 1LT Knowels – registered full-blown redneck – verified that he has no athletic talent whatsoever.
(Coming from Sumner, this is high praise, indeed, as we’ve seen his “skills” primarily in his talking game. Of course, we won’t bet on it… – fatties.)
– 1LT Knowels – SFC Lugg proved that old guys still got game. We’ll have some better photos of him in the next round of action.
– SGT Highman is very hairy.
- SGT Malloy has great natural pitching ability – but tried to do some kind of really crazy pitch and pulled an ass muscle. At least, that’s his story. (He was also recently on leave and reportedly lives next to the “wiffle ball museum”)

Looking forward to Fatty Iraq II – should be interesting. Hope everyone is doing well – I’ll keep you updated.
Trey

(click the thumbnails for larger images – opens in new window)

IRAQ – As Trey “The Bookie” Sumner prepares to lead Fatty Iraq II, they’ve asked us to pass along a message for them to Santa.

FT. HOOD, TX – Fatty Hall of Famer Trey “The Bookie” Sumner is off again on a government-sponsored tour of the Middle East, which means – unfortunately – that we’ll be seeing the second version of the “Fatty Iraq.” For a recap of the last tour, click HERE. For the Scouting Reports, with results, click HERE.

Trey sent us a quick update from the preparations:

I am flying out to Ft Hood, TX today where we will finalize our preparations for our tour. Most importantly, I have packed sufficient equipment (assuming no one breaks a bat) for “spring training” for Fat Bastard Iraq II.
This time we are linking up with a unit out of New Hampshire – which means they should be much smarter than the unit from Mississippi last time. Although, I’m pretty sure calling out “Buuuckneeeeeerrrrrr” is going to be overplayed inside of a week. SGT Nick “The Other” White “Meat” (a returning veteran from the first Iraq Fatty) got us shirts that say:

Patriots go 16-0 regular season – invaluable
Patriots don’t win the Superbowl – priceless

Should be interesting. Updates to follow……

The following is a Shout Out by Trey Sumner:

It is a sad day for the Fatty world…..local authorities have been investigating the allegations that Jeff “Little Buddy” O’Bryan has been running an underground “kitten fighting club” from his swanky Grand Rapids home – it now appears that he was not the only Fatty involved.

You may recall that Trey, Moop and EZ were on the scene when the raid happened but were not charged and were immediately released when they were able to explain their presence with very legitimate alibis. However, two of our fellow Fatties have been pinned to this horrific scandal – Jon “Sugar” Lewis and, most shockingly, Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan. Galvan is a police officer in the suburbs of Chicago while Sugar works in Grand Rapids as the squeegee boy at the Red Barn.

Evidence suggests that Galvan has been kidnapping homeless kittens from the tough streets of Chicago and enlisting Sugar’s help in smuggling them to OB’s home/training facility/fighting arena.

All three are being detained and were unavailable for comment. Hall of Famer Sen. Rob Byrne responded to the allegations brought against the three. “This just blows me away. I can buy that O’B and Galvan got caught up in something like this, but Sugar? I just don’t believe it. I went to college with the guy for four years and never heard of him coming close to hurting a pussy. Although, he did block me from a few.”

As today is the nation’s actual Memorial Day, let us take a moment to remember and give thanks to those who have served.
Thank you to all veterans!

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In a related note, many of you are aware that our own Trey “The Bookie” Sumner will be shipping back to Iraq later this summer for his third tour. He relates the following story:

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I couldn’t be prouder of this……

A couple weeks ago my youngest son had his end-of-the-school-year singing thing that they do – they opened with the singing of the National Anthem. You’ll be able to pick him out from these two pictures (click thumbnails for larger images). When he did that, through the entire song, at first my jaw dropped…and I’d be lying if I said that my eyes were completely dry. When I asked him “why?” afterwards, he didn’t have much to say except that he just wanted to.

For a 7 year old, who is struggling hard with the fact that his Dad is going back to Iraq in a couple months (when I return from this tour I will have spent a bit over a third of his life in Iraq), to show that kind of respect for soldiers through mimicry is astounding. Even the tremendous amount of disappointment he’s experienced, in the time I’ve had to be away from home, hasn’t destroyed his pride and respect for his Dad and his country.

Only a soldier’s son…..