“I’d have to say my favorite part of the Fatty is explaining it to people who have never been there.  ‘A wiffle ball tournament?’ they ask…’Seems dumb.’  I explain it like this: thinking it is ‘just a wiffle ball tourney’ is like saying we had sex.  There’s ‘missionary style’ and then there’s the ‘ball gag, assless chaps, whips and chains.’  As you can see, they’re extremely different in terms of fun, level and difficulty.  The Fatty is more like the one with the assless chaps.”

- Brian “Braater” Braat.

GRAND RAPIDS – 2006 champions, Brian & Jason Braat are fired up and ready to defend their title. Kurly Top is reportedly sporting a new mane this year and captain, Tank, has been out all week shopping for a new wife-beater shirt in time for the weekend.
“I’d been combing the Goodwill stores all week,” commented Brian, “until I discovered the Internet and wifebeatershirt.com. Now, I can shop in the comfort of my own home and choose just the right fashions for me!”
After lighting the victory cigar last year, the Braaters hope their fresh look will be enough to carry them deep into the bracket once again, aided by a favorable draw – if they can get by their tough first-round matchup with the Nichols Brothers.

GRAND RAPIDS – 2006 Fat Bastard Champion and Home Run Title winner, Jason “Kurly Kop” Braat has finished in the top quartile in the recent Grand Rapids Half-Marathon, held downtown three weeks ago.
“This will go down as probably my second-greatest athletic achievement,” commented Braater, “after taking Chitwood yard, of course.”
The race, coupled with a full marathon, was also a charity event and was held along the banks of the Grand River.
Brother and Screamin’ Seamen teammate, Brian, did not enter the event, but was on hand to count all the chickens, offer encouragement and provide few refreshments afterwards.
“I thought he did great,” observed Tank, “and I think we may have found our new uniforms for next year’s Fatty.”

GREENVILLE – The Daily News once again covered the Fatty and posted a little love for the cause…
We’re pretty sure the Braat Brothers will have copies laminated for mom.
Click on the images to read part one and two.

Calvin Lads Walking Down the Aisle…but Reportedly, Not Together
GRAND RAPIDS – Last year’s surprise team, the Sweet Thunder, with Good Hands winner Brian “Braater” Braat and Ben “Dyke” Dykhouse, have gotten into women trouble and will be forced to miss this year’s Fatty, after promising to return to “finish the job” following last year’s tourney.
Dyke will actually be getting married and be on his honeymoon over the Fatty weekend, and was unable to talk his fiance into changing the date of the wedding.
“He’ll be in Mexico by then,” according to Braater. (Our advice would be not to mention the Fat Bastards while visiting our neighbors to the south – Ringler’s arrest warrant is probably still current down there.)
As for Braat, he apparently will also be standing in a wedding on the 14th, although not his own. We suggested just going to the next one, but apparently that was also not feasible.

Future superstars Ben “Dyke” Dykhouse and Brian “Good Hands” Braat have been found alive and well after a long winter’s silence. Apparently, Dyke is getting married and is practicing his quiet time.

The 2003 Fat Bastard Wiffle® Ball Tournament is history! In a repeat of the 2002 Championship, Results of Mom’s Passion defeats The Bridesmaids in a come from behind effort, a new rivalry mirroring the back-to-back Championship match-ups of 2000-2001.
Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, once again claimed Most Valuable Player honors with a fantastic performance which included timely hitting, a cagey pitching effort, and full participation in all Fatty activities. After all, It’s not who wins, it’s how you play the game!”
Baxter Bowl honors were claimed by Fummundercheese and the Angry Itch, who defeated Pussy Galore, to become the first team to win both the Championship and the Baxter Bowl.
Pitcher of the Year was Alan “Fattened Stats” Garcia. Best Team Name was Pussy Galore. Galvan also claimed the Home Run Title. Brian Braat “Wurst” was named Defensive Player of the Year.
Highlights of this year’s tournament included the unofficial “game of the day” which saw Pussy Galore defeat Jesus Helps Me Trick People in a grudge rematch of last year’s Baxter Bowl. Zanner stroked the game winning base hit…refusing to take the walk.
The Hillary Brothers’ Pilear Plasteach turned in a strong team performance. Newcomers Sweet Thunder of Grand Rapids and Pelee Island Wifflers of CANADA also made strong impressions.
More importantly, this year’s Fatty raised $1,100 for the American Cancer Society, our charitable goal.
This year’s spectacular was the largest yet. Nearly 200 people crowded into Harvard Yards to witness the annual retelling of the Fat Bastard Fable. Four newly christened fields held competitors from four states and two countries as they vied for the Championship crown. F’N Ringler Field, Albertson Alley, Kelley Kelley Green, and Little Buddy Ballpark were inaugurated in honor of the newly inducted original members of the Fat Bastard Hall of Fame.
The fields were in pristine condition, thanks to a helping hand from Joe Kelly’s Landscaping service of Rockford. And the Fisher Fund donated a new scoreboard on the main field.
The slow roasted pig stood as much chance as a mere mortal against a Chitwood fastball and the tunes of Doug E Fresh kept Harvard Yards hoppin’ the entire weekend.