“Its a sad day for Rossie Harris. He never did see a grown man naked.”
- Rings, upon hearing of Peter Graves’ passing.

COMSTOCK PARK – “299 Bottles of Beer on the wall, 299 Bottles of beer...”

With that, a few Fatties were off to explore the fabulous world of Michigan beer in the Michigan Brew Brewers Guild Winter Beer Festival, located in the parking lot behind centerfield at the West Michigan Whitecaps’ Fifth Third Park.
Unlike the horrific movie of the same name, this event featured an amazing array of tasty and innovative brews from among the seventy plus breweries occupying the Great Lakes State. Click here for a LIST and the full program.
Among the sold out crowd of 4000, was OB, Rings, T-Wille, and Mav. Larry Legend was unable to make it at the last minute.
Among the highlights, Blue Tractor had a surprisingly strong lineup and a dynamite “Schokolade Weizen,” Bells Brewery released samples of “Batch 9000″ and “Black Note Bourbon Barrell Aged Stout,” Sherwood Brewing had an incredibly interesting “Gunpowder IPA,” Darkhorse Brewing featured a wide and varied selection of brews, including a “Donut Beer,” and Frankemuth Brewery had reawakened with a few classic German brews.

The following is a shout out by Rings

HARVARD – Dang-nabbit! 

After four days, the batters boxes and mound on Harvard Red are still holding water and I’ve had my Schlitz shirt soaking since the tourney wrapped up. Somebody dial up Martha Stewart!

Now I’ve washed, used the Billy Mays Oxi-Clean, Spray ‘n Wash and anything else I can think of, but I still can’t get out that stubborn “ring around the collar”…yes, I’ve even Wisked it to no avail.

In the words of Frank Hovice, its time to set fire to the bed and leave. Check out Schlitz HERE to get geared up for the next Fatty.

“Its made with bits of real czar, so you know its good.”

- Dave “Rings” Ringler, admiring his imperial stout during a recent cold-weather visit to Logan’s Alley.

“We call him ‘Minny Gibby,’ ’cause he looks like Kirk Gibson and he hits like Debbie.”
- Rings, in describing O.B.’s other nickname to the press.

CHARLOTTE – Hall of Famer Dave “Rings” Ringler is on the shelf again, as he’s taken a shot on the beak during a UFC match this past weekend.

“Yeah, I was reaching for some peanuts and someone threw a remote control, apparently upset at their favorite fighter losing,” explained Rings, “and it hit me square in the nose.”

After apologies were exchanged, the rest of the evening was in the E.R. (no George Clooney seen) where a broken nose and sinusitis was diagnosed. It has not yet been determined how long he’ll be out of action, but there’ll be no sports – or beer – for awhile due to the difficulty breathing.

“Hopefully, this gets healed up quickly, as Fatty registration is about to begin,” hoped Ringler, “and I need to be sure my liver is in shape.”

UPDATE: While a slight improvement has been noted, Rings is still pretty ugly.

GRAND RAPIDS – We may have another thespian in our midst as Dave “X” Ringler is reportedly in negotiations with local Wendy’s franchisee Meritage Hospitality for the next round of their commercials, promoting their hamburgers.

“I want it to sizzle,” stated Rings recently.

The new spots will continue their “Pied Piper” story line here:

For more on Wendy’s, click HERE. For Meritage Hospitality, click HERE.

 The following is “A Shout Out” from Rings:

“I wanna get Dickled!” - Rings

HARVARD – Fatty afficianados may have long noted a small, relatively unknown spirit gracing the Harvard Tasting Room in the form of George Dickel’s Tennessee Whisky #8, along with the occasional bottle of their more premium #12 or Special Reserve.

As a longtime fan, I’ve always been partial to the brand, but have recently noted the inability to find it anywhere on retail shelves. I’ve checked all over Michigan and in Chicagoland for #8, without luck. Now, I’m even having trouble finding #12 and have no chance of finding the Special Reserve, as I’m down to my last vessel of the sippin’ sour mash.

The answer, it appears, is corporate. The parent company which owns the brand, Diageo (the distilling arm of Guinness, formerly known as United Distillers), had actually stopped Dickel production for several years, restarting again in 2003. The #8 brand, due to aging, is just now ready for packaging and market and is estimated to be back in the market this summer.

American Whiskey blogger, Chuck Cowdery, has a pretty good summary of the situation HERE.

Most importantly, however, is a request to all the Fatties around the country: check in on your local purveyor of quality spirits to inquire on George Dickel #8 or Special Reserve. If you find some, let me know by contacting the front offices, as I will be grateful for your detective skills.

In good spirit…Cheers.

NEW YORK (AP) – Jeff “O.B.” O’Bryan, Kyle “Puff Daddy” Steele and Andy “The Big ‘Un” Albertson – who has recently been noted to have “lost a great deal of weight” – were all named in the long-awaited Mitchell Report on Thursday, an All-Star roster linked to steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs that put a question mark – if not an asterisk – next to some of wiffle ball’s biggest moments.

Dave “Rings” Ringler, already under indictment on charges of lying to a federal grand jury about a 2001 frog incident in Mexico, also showed up in wiffle ball’s most infamous lineup since “Chitwood Asterisk Scandal” of 2002.

The report culminated a 20-month investigation by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, hired by the MWA to examine the Steroids Era.

It was uncertain whether the report would result in any penalties or suspensions.

Several stars named in the report could pay the price in history, much the way Jon “Sugar” Lewis was kept out of the Hall of Fame this year merely because of steroids suspicion.

“Michigan Wiffle Alliance Vice-President Alan “The Kid” Garcia told me that the problem of performance-enhancing substances may be the most serious challenge that wiffle ball has faced since the ‘Asterisk’ scandal,” Mitchell said in the 409-page report.

“The illegal use of anabolic steroids and similar substances, in Garcia’s view, is ‘cheating of the worst sort.’ He believes that it is imperative for Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball to ‘capture the moral high ground’ on the issue and, by words and deeds, make it clear that wiffle ball will not tolerate the use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.”

Eric “EZ-E” Albertson and “Senator” Rob Byrne (I-Sparta) were among other current players named in the report, both linked to Human Growth Hormone, which has been seen mainly in their waist lines.

“We identify some of the players who were caught up in this drive to gain a competitive advantage,” the report said. “Other investigations will no doubt turn up more names and fill in more details, but that is unlikely to significantly alter the description of wiffle ball’s ‘steroids era’ as set forth in this report.”

TRAVERSE CITY – The Fatties are trying.

On the heels of Steve “Cougar” Peavler’s efforts to climb the Sears Tower (see story October 18th), Dave “Rings” Ringler has competed in the 2007 Iceman Challenge, a 27+ mile mountain bike race from Kalkaska to Traverse City, Michigan. Billed as the “largest single day mountain bike event in the world,” the Iceman hosts over 2500 cyclists in often frigid or snowy conditions.

This year, however, saw cool, ideal weather as Rings competed in the “Beginner Clydesdale” division (read: “fat guys who don’t know what they’re doing”) and finished in 2:56, good for a 22nd place finish (out of 47 in his division), after breaking his front deraileur at mile 14. The pros get it done in about +/-1:40.

For a few more information on the race, see their website at www.iceman.com. Or for a few more images, click here.