SAGINAW – Congratulations to Fat Bastard Hall of Famer Alan “The Kid” Garcia and his wife, Brooke, on the birth of their daughter, Ariana Lyn Garcia.

Everyone is happy and healthy!

BAY CITY – Garcia family matriarch, Brooke “Red” Garcia, will be walking to support the fight against Multiple Sclerosis on April 26th in Midland.

“Every hour of every day, someone is diagnosed with MS. That’s why I registered for Walk MS and that’s why I’m asking you to support my fundraising efforts with a tax-deductible donation.

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society is dedicated to creating a world free of MS but they can’t do it without our help. It’s faster and easier than ever to support this cause that is so important to me. Simply click on the link at the bottom of this message, enter my name, and complete the brief donation form. If you prefer, you can send your contribution to the address listed below. Please make sure you include my name so my account can be properly credited.

Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people with MS. I appreciate your support and look forward to letting you know how I do.

P.S. If you would like more information about the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, how proceeds from the Walk MS are used, or the other ways you can get involved in the fight against MS, please visit www.nationalmssociety.org.”

The Fatties will be making a $100 donation to Brooke’s walk. If you’d like to support her as well, please click HERE.

NEW YORK (AP) – Jeff “O.B.” O’Bryan, Kyle “Puff Daddy” Steele and Andy “The Big ‘Un” Albertson – who has recently been noted to have “lost a great deal of weight” – were all named in the long-awaited Mitchell Report on Thursday, an All-Star roster linked to steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs that put a question mark – if not an asterisk – next to some of wiffle ball’s biggest moments.

Dave “Rings” Ringler, already under indictment on charges of lying to a federal grand jury about a 2001 frog incident in Mexico, also showed up in wiffle ball’s most infamous lineup since “Chitwood Asterisk Scandal” of 2002.

The report culminated a 20-month investigation by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, hired by the MWA to examine the Steroids Era.

It was uncertain whether the report would result in any penalties or suspensions.

Several stars named in the report could pay the price in history, much the way Jon “Sugar” Lewis was kept out of the Hall of Fame this year merely because of steroids suspicion.

“Michigan Wiffle Alliance Vice-President Alan “The Kid” Garcia told me that the problem of performance-enhancing substances may be the most serious challenge that wiffle ball has faced since the ‘Asterisk’ scandal,” Mitchell said in the 409-page report.

“The illegal use of anabolic steroids and similar substances, in Garcia’s view, is ‘cheating of the worst sort.’ He believes that it is imperative for Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball to ‘capture the moral high ground’ on the issue and, by words and deeds, make it clear that wiffle ball will not tolerate the use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.”

Eric “EZ-E” Albertson and “Senator” Rob Byrne (I-Sparta) were among other current players named in the report, both linked to Human Growth Hormone, which has been seen mainly in their waist lines.

“We identify some of the players who were caught up in this drive to gain a competitive advantage,” the report said. “Other investigations will no doubt turn up more names and fill in more details, but that is unlikely to significantly alter the description of wiffle ball’s ‘steroids era’ as set forth in this report.”

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – The Fatties are once again on the road as a star-studded crew of Fat Bastard idiots take to the Eisenhower Highway System on their way to Minneapolis this weekend, where they’ll be paying a visit to our HRL Twin Cities friends.
A road warrior crew of The Kid AG, Moop and Rings are expected to arrive Friday in the Twin Cities, just in time to boo the Twinkies against the White Sox, and prepare for a Saturday of wiffles, most likely at Sky Hill park in nearby Eagan.
The HRL’s annual “pub crawl” is scheduled to follow, where our shy and reserved group of Fatties are expected to participate.
We’ll keep a look out for “Stacks” and you keep an eye on the news for any “international incidents” in Minnesota.

HARVARD – As many of you may know, this year, a couple members of the Fatty Family have been touched by childhood leukemia.
The Fisher Fund, sponsor of the Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament and the Kitt F. Fisher Memorial Mad Scramble golf outing will donate their activities this year to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, in honor of Alexander Garcia, son of Alan & Brooke Garcia, and Makenze English, niece of newcomer David English.
For more information on this disease and the outstanding work and activities of the Society, check out their website here.

PHOENIX, AZ – Lloyd “The Paralyzer” Fuller is married! The long rumoured and blessed event took place last weekend, January 27th, in Arizona.
Long-time Fat Bastard fans, who’ve followed his story, were aware of his impending nuptials, can now rest assured that the rumours are true: he’s still religiously handsome, now hitched and heading back north for The Fat Bastard VIII in August. Indeed, following a brief congratulatory call from the Fat Bastard Offices, Fuller confirmed his intent to return for this year’s wiffle-tacular, after a one year haitus.
Hall of Famer Alan “Kid” Garcia and Arizona Fatty Bob “Martial Arts Phenomenon” Gillard, both of whom have served as past Paralyzer teammates in the Fatty, were in attendance and attempted to consume their body weights in bubbly. Click on any of these photos for a better view, or better yet, The Kid has been kind enough to share a slideshow from the entire event here.
Now that the dust has settled, the “Future Mrs. Fuller” can now remove the “Future” from her title in favor of the more traditional moniker.
Our congratulations to the Fullers!

Our condolences to Hall of Famer Alan Garcia and his family on the passing of their son, Alex, today.
There are photos of him on Alan’s website.
Garcia is one of the good guys and we all wish him, Brooke and the rest of their family peace and comfort in these difficult times.

LIMA, PERU – Fat Bastard Hall of Famer Alan “The Kid” Garcia has been re-elected President of Peru, following a tightly-contested race, as leader of the American Popular Revolutionary Alliance. He is widely considered Peru’s most wily and able politician and his popularity with young voters likely tipped the election in his favor, taking 54.7% of the vote.
His appeal to the nation’s youth comes as no suprise to those of us who have seen The Kid’s sweet swing or been privy to his Goin’ Deep podcasts.
He is believed to be the first wiffle ball player to serve as head of state in any country.
Reached for comment, his office indicates that he still intends to participate in the 2007 Fatty and will schedule his official duties around the tournament.

“I mean, I can drink a lot of Gatorade, but nothing like the amount of beer you guys are drinking.”
- Hall of Famer, Alan “The Kid” Garcia, over breakfast, after spending a full day on the road trip with Hall of Famers Rings and EZ-E.

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – 581 miles later, the Fatties finally made it up to the Twin Cities, just in time for some wiffle action in the 100 degree heat of Minnesota. That didn’t stop the boys of summer, however, as Truck, Dee Snider and the rest of the lads were the perfect hosts for our Fat Friends, who managed to put in a full day of wiffs – in between refreshing breaks under the shade tree. Also of note, was the first ever meeting between Truck and EZ-E, two of the most talented big men in the game.
The HRL Twin Cities runs one of the better leagues in the country and has worked with their local communities to create several outstanding wiffle fields during the summer within unused city park ice hockey rinks. The results were great as the dimensions were fair and the fields were perfect for some base-running 3-on-3 wiffs.
They have two “divisions,” each playing in a separate suburb, and they also host a charity tournament each summer to benefit the Make A Wish Foundation.
After some warm ups and batting practice, the two organizations played a first game Fatties versus HRL, each team batting and throwing all players. The Fatties managed to take the first contest behind a batch of longballs by The Kid and Rings. After a mid-day break and a few more HRL’ers arrived, the teams mixed up for a second showdown, not settled until the final at bat.
After the games – and a bit more refreshment – the gang all met at a local establishment for some merry-making, a Truck concert (the man sings like a bird!) and a few laughs.
For a slideshow in the weekend, including the evidence of a mysterious Fatty who honored the ’87 Tigers by piddling on the Metrodome, click here.
For more on the HRL, visit their ourstanding website and be prepared to welcome them to Harvard Yards in two weeks, playing as rookie-of-the-year candidates “Touched by an Uncle.”