Congrats to Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan and “Hot Neighbor” Lori!

The following is a preview from our friends at Windy City Wiffleball to be published on their website:
*****
Both Rudder and Blago get tough 1st games

7-16-09: We believe the Windy City’s luck in the beloved Fat Bastard Draw has come to an end.

For the second time Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan will have to start the tournament playing “the girls’ team.” In 2007 – Chitwood’s last Fatty title – his team Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ played Susan Says, the all girls team.

“I love the atmosphere the girls’ team brings to the Fatty, don’t get me wrong,” Chitwood said. “but when you play them you can’t win.” 

Chitwood is referring to the heckles of the fans of course. “I remember pitching lob one time and being yelled at by Kelley Ringler.” Chitwood added. “Then, at the plate, we took our regular cuts at the ball and were heckled by the fans for playing to aggressive against the girls!”

It is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t type of game and Chitwood has no option other than to take his licks. Chitwood is teaming up with Fatty 1st timer Keith “L-Train” Matusek and they are playing under the team name of Dutch Rudders. They are slotted to play I’d Hit That  on Friday night at 6:30.

Equally difficult is Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew’s first game. Headed by Eric “Ice” King, Jaime “Old School” Hernandez and Tommy “Beer Batter” Ewing will have to play the always tough Hillary Brothers in their first game Saturday morning. The Hillarys will be playing under the team name Nevermind the Ballcocks.

“I’m hoping by getting the 7:55 AM start the Ice-cream Social will be worn off by then” King told Thunder Times. Good luck fellas, you are really going to need it this year!

Below is how TheFatty.com ranked our Windy City teams. There are a total of 28 teams:

#5 (NR) Dutch Rudders

Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, Keith “L-Train” Matusek (Steger, IL & Highland, IN).
A team with Chitwood is a team to be reckoned with as Jimmy jumps back into title contention, bringing along The Cat on the Windy City Caravan. Galvan is a multiple-time MVP, homer champ and Golden Arm, but is reportedly recovering from an injury – stop us if you’ve heard that one before – so we’ll see whether he returns to form or spends hit time hanging out with the neighbor girl.

#8 (8) Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew

Eric “It’s Good to be” King, Tom “J.R.” Ewing, Jaime “Old School” Hernandez (Markham & Tinley Park, IL/Munster, IN).
The 2007 champs will look to reclaim the upper rung on the ladder after an off-year in Fatty IX. They’ll have to replace another Golden Arm this year, as Lonnie assumes the missing man formation in favor of Tommy Boy (after Chitwood departed the year before), who makes his first visit back to Harvard since 2005. Old School rounds out the squad after taking a shine to Michigan during last year’s rookie campaign.

The following is a story from Hall of Famer, Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, who just happens to be a peace officer in Chicagoland:

It is not often I share an “on the job” experience with you but I thought this one is rather fitting.

I was dispatched to a hit and run accident. The victim gave us the offender’s plate and, as my assisting officer went to the neighboring town to locate the vehicle, I went to the victim to determine what had happened.

According to the victim, the offending vehicle sideswiped her then sped off. She had damage to support her story. While speaking to the victim, I was informed by my assisting officer that he had the offending vehicle and driver at his location and that he wanted me to go to my low band radio (most scanners can’t pick this one up). On our low band he told me that he had the driver and that he believed he was driving on a suspended license. I told him to bring him to me and we will verify on scene.

Expecting to get some young punk with no insurance I was surprised to see the actual offender. Out of the officer’s squad stepped a 61-year-old white male. This wasn’t what was so shocking, however, it was what he was wearing…

He had on a button up shirt that was unbuttoned over a gray t-shirt. On this dreary, dark night his gray shirt seemed to glow. As he got closer I was able to read the print. On his shirt, sandwiching a picture of a cow it read: “Chicago Whiffleball 1981.” Yes, “wiffle” was misspelled, but I knew exactly what I had here: A dilemma. How can I arrest a 61 year old wiffle ball player? I’d be breaking a Fatty code of ethics, I’m sure. I had to determine this right away as it would play a crucial part in to what action I take.

Officer Chitwood: “I notice your shirt. Do you play wiffleball?”
Offender: (Laughs) “Oh no, this shirt was given to me by my son in law a long time ago. He was into it. I only played softball.”
Officer Chitwood: (relieved) “Ok, do you have a valid Driver’s License?”
Offender: “No, it’s suspended.”
Officer Chitwood, with an easy decision: “Ok, not a big deal but I am going to have to place you under arrest and tow your vehicle.”

Fast foward to the station.

As I walk the offender in, the other officers, who were jerking around in the station, notice his t-shirt. Then, they notice who – OF ALL PEOPLE – was the man’s arresting officer.

After I secured the offender to the wall and walked out of the processing room, I was asked questions like: “Did you get his number?” and “Are you going to charge him or sign him?”

100% a true story.

The following is a Shout Out by Jeff “O.B.” O’Bryan:

 “…..I’m glad you won’t see or hear me, as I fiddle about…” – Roger Daltry

Oh, Eric!! Like a normal election year, when the big event draws near, the dirt and embarrassing photos come out. This little gem fell into my hands most innocently from a fellow Fatty.

Just look at this photo! That sneer, those glaring, scheming eyes and the double maraschino cherry speared with a little plastic sword place you directly in the Center Square. I’m pretty sure Paul Lynde is feeling nervous, even from the grave. In fact, I’ll bet this even made Rip Taylor blush!

This may explain a few things. EZ always seems to play the role of Fatty Ambassador and takes the newbies under his wing. We’ve seen him develop a special relationship over the years with Jimmy “Clay” Galvan. We’ve never questioned it, but upon reflection I’ve heard Eric marvel more than once at the power Chitwood’s arm generates despite his lithe, boyish frame. For shame Jimmy! We shouldn’t have believed your excuses for the “GAYLoVN’” license plate.

In fact, I’m convinced The Crabs didn’t quit last year because they couldn’t take the harassment. No! They fled because they finally remembered where they had seen EZ’s face: on all those warning posters in 10th grade Health class.

Watch out, Minnesota! He’s been trying to buddy up to you guys for two years now! In year three, he slips you some Pimms and makes his move. Sure, he’ll sweet talk you, compliment you on your game, boost your ego…and the next thing you know – you wake up naked in the neighboring field with a bad hangover and a guilty conscience and the above face as a greeting! Don’t let it happen to you too.

Just remember, before you let your teammate, friend or even a stranger walk away with EZ in the afterglow of The Fatty, ask yourself this one thing:

“Do you think it’s alright to leave the boy with Uncle Eric?
Do you think it’s alright; He’s had a few too many!”

Looking out for the innocent and naïve,
O’B

STEGER, IL – A little ’07 highlight video from our friends at Windy City Wiffle:

STEGER, IL – No April Fool’s this time: Reports are reaching the Fat Bastard Front offices that Fatty Champion and three-time MVP may be retiring from competition.

“I’m about 95% sure I am retiring as a player from the Fatty,” wrote Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan. ”But I’m not yet certain and I don’t want to be like George Foreman, retiring every 5 minutes.”

Galvan burst upon the scene in 2002 and has played every tournament since, often leading an entourage from his Windy City Wiffleball League. He is very well known to female Fatty fans in particular – especially Ringler’s mom – and won the Fat Bastard Championship in 2002 & 2003, along with Most Valuable Player awards in 2002, 2003 & 2005. He was also named Golden Arm in 2002 and Home Run Champ in 2003 & 2004. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2005.

“It’s a big decision and I just ask that the press can respect the privacy of me and my family,” stated Galvan. “As of today, I’m a manager.”

“Peace, love and no fat chix.”

- Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, single.

HARVARD – Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan captured his third Fat Bastard Championship, along with Eric “It’s Good to Be” King and Lonnie “Snoop Drunky Drunk” Rucker, who claimed his second title, in leading Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin to victory in the championship game, 7-5, overcoming an MVP performance from Ryan “Where You” Breen along with Ben “Spicolli” Taylor of ‘Tween the Bizzos.
Dustin and Elliot Nichols’ squad, How’s Your Wife and My Kids?, defeated We Shaved Our Balls for This? to take the Baxter Bowl crown.
Breen was the home run champion with 11 and also the Big Stick Award Winner. Chitwood was, once again, the Golden Arm winner, while Susan “Zanner” Sheppard won the Best Hands Award.
Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How Was the Play? was voted Best Team Name.
Much more info, including scores, are available on the 2007 Tournament page. EDIT: A photo slide show is now available on the MEDIA page, with over 350 images, including every team and player.
Congratulations to all participants on another stellar chapter in the Fat Bastard fable.

STEGER, IL – Three-time Most Valuable Player and Hall of Famer Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan managed to avoid a crisis this week as well. He reported to the front offices this week that he was in danger of missing his first Fatty since 2001.
“I was enjoying my morning doughnut on Saturday and preparing to take my G.E.D. exam,” explained a disappointed Galvan, “when I get a message that the exam proctor had overslept and they cancelled my test. It looks like the makeup date may be August 4th, in which case, I cannot miss this and will, unfortunately, be unable to make the Fatty.”
This would be harsh news for his top ranked squad and throw the doors open to all challengers for this year’s Championship.
Good news followed a day later, however.
“They called me back and said the test will be in September sometime,” said Chitwood. “I’ll make it.”
Ringler’s Mom and the rest of the female Fatty fans have expressed their relief.

“The difference between my job and yours is… When I go to work the next day and tell my co-workers ‘I got a DUI last night,’ it is a good thing.”
- Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, who’s actually a cop in “real” life.