“Everyone pick out a song. Jose have me a dollar for the jukebox.”
- O.B.
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Archive for July, 2009QuotablePosted by The Fatty
Fraser man goes straight to jail for assault during Monopoly gamePosted by The Fatty
In Little Buddy
30Jul 09
WDIV-TV (Channel 4) reports the 37-year-old Fraser man, Jeff “O.B.” O’Bryan, was playing the board game Saturday night with a female friend when he tried to buy Park Place and Boardwalk from her. When she refused, Fraser police Lt. Dan Kolke tells WWJ-AM (950) he hit her in the head, breaking her glasses. The man was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery. The Fatty Quote QuizPosted by The Fatty
The following is a shout out from Hall of Famer Steve “Cougar” Peavler: Between all the craptastic things going on in my life right now, I was not-so-surprisingly idea free on what to write for the FB this year. I was taking one of those online quizzes at one of those Yiddish porn sites when it hit me. I put together my encyclopedic knowledge of film, my obsession with sports, some late night drunken googling and my deep hatred for all of the Fat Bastards…and what did I come up with? The FB 2009 Quote Quiz! Some of these quotes are from film, some from sports, and some are true blue Fatty bluster. Take the quiz and find out just how “fat” a bastard you are. 1. “Peace, love and no fat chix.”
2. “Well, you can run like Mays, but you hit like shit.” Lonnie Rucker 3. “I’m drunk. Help me.” Andy Dick 4. “Were we so different? They’re a young species. They have much to learn. But I’ve seen goodness in them.” Optimus Prime 5. “I used to have a bad gag reflex, but then my dentist showed me what to do.” Tracy Lords 6. “If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” Walter Matthau 7. “Have I ever seen a grown man naked? Not grown enough.” Tila Tequila 8. “They talk to us. They tell us about the great big terrible things they’ve done and the great big wonderful things they’re going to do. Their hopes, their regrets. Their loves, their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar.” “Sugar” 9. “Nothing good comes out of being sixth – you have to set your beer down just to count that far and that’s not right.” Crash Davis 10. “I led the league in ‘Go get ‘em next time.’” Gary Sheffield 11. “This is what happens when you f**k a stranger in the **s!” Ron Jeremy 12. “A game against us would be heaven? Please, son. Unless, of course, your idea of heaven is ending the day curled up in the fetal position in a puddle of your own shame and humiliation.” Trey Sumner 13. “Back off man. I’m a scientist.” Victor Conte 14. “You wanna find an outlaw, you call an outlaw. You wanna find a Dunkin’ Donuts, call a cop.” Shaquille O’Neal 15. “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” Adolf Hitler 16. “If I had that car and he had a feather up his **s, we’d both be tickled.” Nathan Arizona 17. “You are a smelly pirate hooker.” Ron Burgundy 18. “I want to buy your women… the little girl… your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children.” Brian Fantana 19. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?” Barack Obama 20. “I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” Arnold Schwarzenegger 21. “You can’t drink all day, if you don’t start first thing in the morning.” Larry “Legend” Zeiser 22. “I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.” George W. Bush 23. “You go to bed with Bo Derek and you wake up with Bo Diddley.” Frank “The Tank” Ricard 24. “”All pitchers are liars or crybabies.” Yogi Berra 25. “So THAT’s how it is in their family…” Lt. Cmdr Matt T Sherman See the comments for the answer key… A Queen Sized BedPosted by The Fatty
In Hansel
22Jul 09 The Fatty’s Getting ThirstyPosted by The Fatty
In Baxter
21Jul 09 HARVARD – Poor little fella’s all out of nourishment…
Comments Off Road Trip for WishesPosted by The Fatty
In Truck & HRL
20Jul 09 HOPKINS, MN – The Fatties are hitting the road again! The week following the Fat Bastard will see a couple of us hitting the road to participate in the HRL Twin Cities “Wifflin’ for Wishes” tournament in Minnesota. This is their fifth version of W4W, and our first visit as Rings, The Kid, Minny Me & J-Mac are currently scheduled to make the trip, in support of the Make-a-Wish Foundation. Comments Off Windy City PreviewPosted by The Fatty
In Chitwood
16Jul 09 The following is a preview from our friends at Windy City Wiffleball to be published on their website: 7-16-09: We believe the Windy City’s luck in the beloved Fat Bastard Draw has come to an end.
“I love the atmosphere the girls’ team brings to the Fatty, don’t get me wrong,” Chitwood said. “but when you play them you can’t win.” Chitwood is referring to the heckles of the fans of course. “I remember pitching lob one time and being yelled at by Kelley Ringler.” Chitwood added. “Then, at the plate, we took our regular cuts at the ball and were heckled by the fans for playing to aggressive against the girls!” It is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t type of game and Chitwood has no option other than to take his licks. Chitwood is teaming up with Fatty 1st timer Keith “L-Train” Matusek and they are playing under the team name of Dutch Rudders. They are slotted to play I’d Hit That on Friday night at 6:30. Equally difficult is Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew’s first game. Headed by Eric “Ice” King, Jaime “Old School” Hernandez and Tommy “Beer Batter” Ewing will have to play the always tough Hillary Brothers in their first game Saturday morning. The Hillarys will be playing under the team name Nevermind the Ballcocks. “I’m hoping by getting the 7:55 AM start the Ice-cream Social will be worn off by then” King told Thunder Times. Good luck fellas, you are really going to need it this year! Below is how TheFatty.com ranked our Windy City teams. There are a total of 28 teams: #5 (NR) Dutch Rudders Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, Keith “L-Train” Matusek (Steger, IL & Highland, IN). #8 (8) Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew Eric “It’s Good to be” King, Tom “J.R.” Ewing, Jaime “Old School” Hernandez (Markham & Tinley Park, IL/Munster, IN). Comments Off Drawn and QuarteredPosted by The Fatty
In Announcements
14Jul 09 HARVARD – The opening round matchups are now posted on the 2009 TOURNAMENT page, with the bracket thumbnails now posted next to the opening round schedule. Let the conspiracy theories fly… 2009 Hall of Fame AnnouncedPosted by The Fatty
In Announcements
10Jul 09 HARVARD – Three members will be inducted in the Fat Bastard Hall of Fame on August 7, 2009 at approximately 8:30 p.m., during this year’s Ice Cream Social and following the first two rounds of games. Thanks to all who voted and congratulations to our deserving inductees! Haikus from HarvardPosted by The Fatty
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FRASER, MI — A game of Monopoly has landed a Michigan man in jail.
Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan
For the second time Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan will have to start the tournament playing “the girls’ team.” In 2007 – Chitwood’s last Fatty title – his team Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ played Susan Says, the all girls team.
The wiffle wind blows
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