Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament V:
The Good, The Fat and the Ugly
| Outrageous! The Professor Busts a Move; Baxter Still Sleeping Off Hangover  August 14, 2004: My goodness! The Fatty gets prettier every year, don’t it?In addition to the ladies of USB, one also has to give props to the fine curves of Lonnie “The Professor” Rucker, who led his squad, Ebony and Ivory, along with Dave “Psycho” Kale, to victory in the 2004 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament. Chicago’s Ebony and Ivory cruised into the finals to face The Motherload, of Grand Rapids, a brother combination of Kevin and Patrick Hillary. On the strength of Rucker’s three-run homer, The Professor claimed the title by a 3-0 score, along with the Most Valuable Player and Pitcher of the Year awards. In a repeat, the sandbaggers of Cedar Springs, Odoriferous Discharge, claimed the Baxter Bowl Championship, as Ron “Don’t Call Me” Francis and Scott “Poor S.O.B.” Graves defeated Chicago’s Flawless Victory, who returned after missing the 2003 extravaganza. Other awards were claimed by Joe “Lefty” Slotowski, who was named best defensive player with the Good Hands Award and brother duo Scott “The Colonel” Byrne and Rob “The Senator” Byrne who won Best Team Name for the second time with Rectum? Damn Near Killed’m!. Fine performances were also turned in by Pat and “Crazy” Larry Zeiser of Philly who led Jose & Cuervo to more than a few shots across the bow. Susan “Zanner” Sheppard and Dee “Houghton” Albertson of The Ho-Ho’s who mercy ruled Task Force Sumner in an opening round match, led the ladies’ teams, who each won a game. Sean “Rocko” McCarthy and his riser led the Hooknuts to the brink of glory on the field and nearly achieved perfection after bringing a supply of Yuengling’s Lager to Harvard Yards, all the way from Pittsburgh. This year’s tournament welcomed bad athletes and a couple hundred spectators from seven states and two countries – including Germany(!) – to this year’s event. The Fisher Fund, Inc and Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball is also pleased to announce the 2004 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament has raised $2034.52 to benefit the Family Readiness Group of Grand Ledge which supports 90 of our U.S. troops stationed in Iraq and their families. We’re now less than a year away from Fat Bastard IV: Hello, We’re Looking for Sechs, so….mark those calendars now for August 13, 2005, and prepare yourself for the annual retelling of wiffle ball’s Passion Play, The Legendary Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament: The Good, The Fat and the Ugly. |
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