Pabst and Blatz and Stroh’s….Oh, My!
Saturday, August 9, 2003. “It’s Not Who Wins, It’s How You Play the Game” Where on earth to begin? Well, we can begin at the end, where Harvard Yard officials report taking empty beverage containers to a local market on the Sunday following the 2003 Fat Bastard to the tune of nearly $50 in deposit refund. Even Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan fully participated in this year’s tournament, redeeming himself for the 2002 debacle.“This one topped them all,” stated an exhausted Commissioner afterwards. “What an amazing event.” Fatty Weekend began on Friday when several out-of-town teams began showing up at Harvard Yards as tournament officials were completing preparations. “The guys from Pelee Island, Canada, were especially helpful,” stated Director of Homeland Defense, Kelley-Kelley. After a warmup evening attended by approximately 30 Fat Bastards on Friday, the tournament officially kicked off at 7:00 am Saturday morning. Several early round highlights included a first-round heavyweight matchup where Pilear Plasteach defeated 2001 Champions Can You Feel My Thumb?. 2000 Champions Fummundercheese and the Angry Itch and 2002 Champion Mom’s Last Passion both fell into the loser’s bracket as well at the hands of Sweet Thunder. And the all-comedy opening round contest between Milwaukee’s Monkee Islanders sent Jesus Helps Me Trick People praying to avoid the Baxter Bowl. At the midday break, the inaugural Hall of Fame induction ceremony enshrined four Fat Bastards: Kelley-Kelley, EZ-E, O.B. and Ringler. As the afternoon began, the first teams began to be eliminated from contention as the participants battled toward the dual crowns of Fat Bastard Champion and Baxter Bowl Champ.  The flashbulbs were popping, along with a few of the boys themselves, as the first meeting of two all-female teams took place in the opening round of the Baxter Bowl. Pussy Galore bested Moonlight Graham in a slugfest to earn a rematch with Jesus Helps Me Trick People in the semi-finals. In what witnesses describe as the “greatest game ever,” a crowd of nearly 100 spectators squealed with delight as Pussy Galore’s Zanner and Houghton revenged last year’s defeat by beating Bock’s Jesus squad 8-7 in extra innings. In fitting fashion, Zanner refused to take a walk and slammed a single past a diving Professor Vanden Akker to drive home the winning run.Attention then turned to the Championship, where Windy City’s Mom’s Passion had battled their way back from an early loss to take on The Bridesmaids of Greenville. It was Teddy Ballgame versus Jimmy Chitwood, and the boys from Hickory came through twice in come-from-behind fashion to claim the Fat Bastard crown. |
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