A Legend is Born!
Bad Athletes Mix it Up in the Inaugural Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament as the Bad Beer World Series Gets Vetoed
GRAND RAPIDS- Banned! The first and only Bad Beer World Series has come to an inglorious end, but in it’s place, has spawned the first annual Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament for Bad Athletes.
In a thrilling finale, underdogs The Scuzzbuckets bounced back from defeat to beat up on The Tom Skerrit Church of Latter Day Saints to claim the first World Championship of Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball. Ron “Ron” Francis is named Most Valuable Player for his hard throwing pitching performance.
The Tiny O.B., a throw together squad, claims the initial Baxter Bowl Title, in honor of our lovable mascot. Outstanding performances were turned it by Scott “The Colonel” Byrne who wins the batting title, Rob “W-w-w-obby” Byrne, who made the defensive play of the day, and Dave “F’in” Ringler who led the day in taters.
A great time was had by all and the empties left on the field pretty much should cover any damages that we caused, hopefully allowing us to make this an annual event.
Here’s how the final bracket stacked up…
1. (4) Scuzzbuckets. Ron “Ron” Francis, Scott “Skinny Guy” Graves (Wayland, MI).
Strong pitching allowed this team to overcome a spradic offense and lead them to vicory over the Skerritt’s. MVP Francis threw hard and the boys were patient at the plate, showing off some occasional power. They were unable to hang around for long afterwards, to enjoy their victory, however, as Scott missus said he had to be home before 8:00.
2. (3) The Tom Skerritt Church of Latter Day Saints. Eric “EZ-E” Albertson, Dave “Xman” Ringler (Grand Rapids, MI).
Worshipping out of the House of Tom, these two boobs managed to bounce back from a heartbreaking opening game loss to the Pine Brothers to make the finals, only to suffer a case of lost offense against Francis. Ringler banged out the most dingers of the day, but it was not enough as Friday’s hangover eventually proved to be their undoing as their stamina failed them in the end…kind of like dating in college!
3. (3) Pine Brothers. Rob “W-w-w-obby” Byrne, Scott “The Colonel” Byrne, Andy “Big ‘Un” Albertson (Grand Rapids, MI).
The wheels fell off after superstar W-w-w-obby had to high-tail it home, Andy and Scotty just couldn’t keep it together after a strong start. Byrne the younger made a stellar defensive play to open the day going full horizontal to spear a line drive. Scotty was the toughest out on the field and no one drank more Pabst than the Big ‘Un.
4. (NR) The Tiny O.B. Jeff “O.B.” O’Bryan, John “Tiny” Heinzelman. (Grand Rapids, MI) 
Last minute entry roared into Baxter Bowl, looking like David and Goliath, on the arm of late-comer Tiny, who caught on quick to help claim the title. OB proved to be a tough defensive ballplayer and Tiny came out of nowhere to be one of the dominant pitchers of the day, especially on the easier wind field, number two. He’ll be a in demand as a recruit next year as O.B. will likely scour the waiver wire for a permanent teammate.
5. (5) SugarBears. Jon “Sugar” Lewis (Grand Haven, MI)
Poor Sugar bounced around with multiple partners, all of whom, unfortunately, left winless. He kept battling however, and in the end, made a fair day of it and also worked his way through most of a cooler of refreshments. He settled down after threatening to walk off in a huff at the lack of support and competition, but worked his way into the Baxter Bowl match before falling to the right arm of that wiley Tiny.
WD (1) Pirates. Alan Garcia, Lloyd Fuller, Pat Jacobs. (Bay City, MI).
We found these guys on the Internet and they were all fired up to come over and help us out for our first tournament. Apparently, they were poor drivers, however, and they called claiming car trouble in Alma around mid-morning and begged off. They’s probably scared, but we’ll check in with ‘em again next year to see if their panties are still in a bunch. They’ve got uniforms and everything.
WD (6) Carrier Street Posse. Trey Sumner (Grand Rapids, MI). 
The Trey team spent a good few weeks talking smack. Trey was going to whip everybody, but apparently suffered a hangover and did not show. A call to his agent said something about flipping bartender bottles and warm up shots, but the rest was unintelligible. We haven’t met his teammate yet, so we don’t know what his excuse was.
WD (7) T.U.G. Peter Setterington, Mark Setterington, Uncle Mark (Grand Rapids, MI). 
We still have no idea what happened to these guys…they were reportedly practicing all week in the construction site in front of Mark’s house, but also did not make the trip to the ballyard. Repeated calls to voice mail left the committee with an extra cooler to dispose of…hmmm…what to do? what to do?
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