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Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament VIII:

The Eighth Wonder of the World!
More fun than a Barrell Full of Monkeys!

The rain held off and a fine overcast day over Harvard Yards witnessed the eighth annual display of poor athleticism that was the 2007 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament. At the end of the day, a familiar champion was crowned: Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’, led by Hickory’s own Jimmy “Chitwood” Galvan, defeated ‘Tween the Bizzos and tournament Most Valuable Player Ryan “Where You” Breen to claim the 2007 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Championship. Galvan claimed his third Championship and teammate Lonnie “Snoop Drunky Drunk” Rucker claimed his second. It was the first for Eric “It’s Good to be” King. Breen and teammate, Ben “Spicolli” Taylor reached their first championship game, but left with only Breen’s MVP award, the Home Run Champ and Big Stick Award. The Baxter Bowl featured an HRL matchup as their two entries started off 0-2, but neither could mount a challenge to How’s Your Wife and My Kids?, let by Dustin “Dut” Nichols and brother Elliot “Phone Home” Nichols, who defeated I Shaved My Balls for This? in the finals.

Other outstanding performances were turned in on the day, including Susan “Zanner” Sheppard, who was voted the Best Hands Award and Galvan who once again claimed the Golden Arm Award as the year’s best pitcher. Other than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How was the Play?, of Larry and Patrick Zeiser and Hans Heikkinen was awarded Best Team Name in a vote of his peers (along with “Best Dressed” honors).

Very importantly, the Fattie-festivities allowed us to make donations to a worthy cause this year: The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The Society leads the fight against blood cancers and is in honor of Alexander Garcia and Makenze English.

A special thanks goes out to our sponsors this year: Logan’s Alley, Cambridge House, J.D. Reardons, Graydon’s Crossing, and Zain’s Party Store. Please check them out and support them when you can.

In addition, thank you to our volunteers: Hal “Pops” Ringler, Beverly “First Class” Fisher, Mrs. Truck, Karen “Kiss the Cook” Ringler, Corbin “The Moop” Owens, Eric “EZ-E” Albertson, Andy “Big ‘Un” Albertson, Ron “Don’t Call Me” Francis, Melanie “Blondie” Francis, Susan “Zanner” Sheppard and Scott “Colonel” Byrne. There were many others on the cleanup crew…thanks to all as we could not do it without you!

For a look at the weekend’s action, here’s a slideshow.

In addition, there were more than a few ballgames contested on the pitch of Harvard. When it was all said and done, here’s how the scoreboard stacked up:

Opening Round Games
Third Streich 11 – All Star Wiffling! With the Baron and the Mad Dog 8
Handicapped Accessible 26 – Crazy, With Papers to Prove It 7
‘Tween the Bizzos 19 – Balls Deep 8
Driving Miss Daisy (Into the Headboard) 3 – Hows Your Wife and My Kids? 0
At Leaset We Passed English 201 6 – Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How was the Play? 5
Crabs 11 – Tea Baggers 8
Big Hairy American Winning Machine 4 – We Shaved Our Balls for This? 3
Heavy Petting Zoo 2 – At Least We’re Not Short, Bald and Irish 0
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ 13 – Susan Says 6
We Swing Both Ways 8 – Hail the Half Whale 2
Cenosilicaphobia 8 – BALCO’s Failed Experiment 7
Merkle’s Boner 12 – Polled by a Priest 0

Winner’s Bracket Games
Handicapped Accessible 7 – Third Streich 0
‘Tween the Bizzos 19 – Driving Miss Daisy 9
We Passed English 201 over Crabs (forfeit)
Heavy Petting Zoo 5 – Big Hairy American Winning Machine 4
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ 7 – We Swing Both Ways 1
Merkle’s Boner 14 – Cenosilicaphobia 11
‘Tween the Bizzos 32 – Handicapped Accessible 29
Heavy Petting Zoo 18 – We Passed English 201 10
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ 4 – Merkle’s Boner 3
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ 6 – Heavy Petting Zoo 5
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin’ 8 – ‘Tween the Bizzos 5

Second Chance Bracket
All Star Wiffling 15 – Crazy, with Papers to Prove It 2
Balls Deep 5 – How’s Your Wife and My Kids 4
Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln 7 – Tea Baggers 2
Short, Bald and Irish 1 – We Shaved Our Balls for This? 0 (6 inn)
Susan Says 11 – Hail the Half Whale 10
BALCO’s Failed Experiment 20 – Polled by a Priest 7
All Star Wiffling over Crabs (forfeit)
Balls Deep 11 – Big Hairy Americans 1
We Swing Both Ways 8 – Mrs. Lincoln 3
Cenosilicaphobia 5 – Short, Bald and Iris 4
Third Streich 11 – Susan Says 4
Driving Miss Daisy over BALCO’s Failed Experiment
Balls Deep 8 – All Star Wiffling 3
Cenosilicaphobia 6 – We Swing Both Ways 3
Third Streich 10 – Driving Miss Daisy 6 (4 inn)
Merkle’s Boner 7 – Balls Deep 1
Handicapped Accessible 21 – Cenosilicaphobia 0
Third Streich over We Passed English 201 (forfeit)
Heavy Petting Zoo 8 – Merkle’s Boner 3
Handicapped Accessible 9 – Third Streich 8
Heavy Petting Zoo 6 – Handicapped Accessible 4
‘Tween the Bizzos 8 – Heavy Petting Zoo 1

Championship Rounds
Baxter Bowl
Tea Baggers 13 – Crazy, With Papers to Prove It 10
How’s Your Wife and My Kids? 17 – Polled by a Priest 0
We Shaved Our Balls for This? 6 – Hail the Half Whale 1
How’s Your Wife and My Kids? 8 – Tea Baggers 0
How’s Your Wife and My Kids? 6 – We Shaved Our Balls for This? 2
Championship
Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin 7 – ‘Tween the Bizzos 5