Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament X
Celebrating a Decade of Debauchery
Can you friggin’ believe we’ve been doing this for a Decade?!?

The Fisher Fund is pleased to announce the ninth annual 2009 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament is scheduled for August 7-8th, 2009 at Harvard Yards, near Grand Rapids, Michigan.
This year’s “Bad Athlete Extravaganza” will once again welcome 28 teams in their pursuit of plastic glory…and more than enough nonsense to keep you warm and fuzzy through the winter. Do NOT delay your registration if you intend to play. Hit CONTACT for a registration packet.

The Fatty is open to the first 28 teams who enter. Cost again is a $100 donation for a two-person team with $15 for each additional player. A $10 deposit is also required.
Your donation will include: complete Fat Bastard hospitality, double-elimination / three-game guarantee, 10th Anniversary gift for every player, all awards, all-day food and non-alcoholic beverages, on-site camping, scouting and scorekeeping, all equipment and supplies, non-stop entertainment and eternal website infamy.
This is a BYOB event open to players and spectators aged 21 and over only! Commercial macro-brews are VERY STRONGLY discouraged.
This past year’s tournaments have welcomed bad athletes and a couple hundred spectators from fourteen states and four countries. We have been pleased in the past to have been featured in ESPN The Magazine, The Chicago Tribune, WXMI TV-17, WZZM TV-13, Bob and Tom in the Morning, The Score 670, and numerous other publications and radio shows. This year promises to be even better.
For any out of town teams, we recommend a Friday arrival. In fact, for most teams, it’s manditory. All teams within 200 miles of Harvard Yards (an any others by request) should be prepared for to play Friday evening games. Games will continue VERY early on Saturday morning until sundown.
We can assist with discounted hotels or B&B’s if needed. Contact us for a list of purveyors.
The Fisher Fund, Inc and Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball is also pleased to announce the 2009 Fat Bastard Wiffle Ball Tournament will benefit the fight against autism through the Autism Society of Kent County, in honor of the Andrew Mitchell Family and the Liam Kelbel Fund.
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After the draw of July 13th, here are the opening round matchups (hit the thumbnails to view the full bracket in a new page, with the winner’s bracket above and the second-chance bracket below):
Friday, August 7th
6:30 p.m.
Prarie Doggin’ Corn Poo vs. Susan Boyle’s Boy Toy
Dutch Rudders vs. I’d Hit That
Trey, Trey…Hey, Trey vs. Cannonball Comin’
Drink Beer. O.J. Will Kill You vs. Under the Influence
7:30 p.m.
Define Statutory vs. Fall Down Go Boom
Two in the Pink vs. If You’re Into That, China Has a Lot to Offer
Never Been Caught Riding a Moped vs. Rust Never Sleeps
Let’s Save Tony Orlando’s House vs. Lions & Tigers & Something She Can’t Bear
Saturday, August 8th
7:00 a.m.
We’re Old Fat & Drunk vs. Honey, There are Other Orafices
Punch Drunk & The Sausage Wallet vs. My Wife Can’t Wrestle, But You Should See Her Box
Team Delirious vs. The Himalayan Carpet
The DoubleHeaders vs. Rock Two-Boat
7:55 a.m.
It Tastes So Good When it Hits Your Lips vs. The Shirtless Poopers
Nevermind the Ballcocks vs. Blago’s Bleepin’ Golden Crew
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Here are the deadlines and calendar for 2009:

Hall of Fame Candidates Announced – May 25th
Returning Teams Early Registration – May 25th
Open Registration – June ??
Kitt F. Fisher Memorial Mad Scramble Golf Outing – June 20 (North Kent Golf Club)
Hall of Fame Inductees Announced – early July
Registration Deadline – Friday, July 10th @ 5:00 p.m. or 28 teams (which is always sooner)
Blind Tournament Draw – Monday, July 13th @ (appx.) 9:00 p.m. at Logan’s Alley in Grand Rapids
Tournament Set Up – August 4-7th
Welcome Meeting & Ice Cream Social – Friday, August 7 @ 6:00 p.m. (no ice cream will be served)
Tournament Begins – Saturday, August 7 @ 6:30 p.m.
Hall of Fame Induction – Saturday, August 7 @ 8:30 p.m.
Clean Up and Breakfast – Sunday, August 9 @ (appx.) 8:00 a.m
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There are also a few new rules, see RULES for complete info, but here’s the basics:

• Overview: Tournament is open to anyone aged 21 and over only.
  Teams are 2 or 3 persons. Play is 2-on-2, but an extra hitter is allowed.
  Games are 5-innings or 50 minutes.
  All teams will play a minimum of three games.
  Sobriety is discouraged – so long as we get your car keys.
• Style: Fast-pitch…or as fast as you can throw and still hit the 20×30? strike zone. At-bats begin with a 1-1 count. (Our advice: throw strikes!)
• Team Names: No repeat team names will be allowed. All team names must be original and be approved by Department of Homeland Defense.
• Equipment: Original yellow plastic bats and wiffle brand balls. All equipment is provided. No outside equipment allowed.
  No fielding gloves allowed. If you choose to wear batting gloves, you will be subject to merciless ridicule.
• Baserunning: Ha! Yeah, right…we’re Fat Bastards! Ghost runners only. Runners advance the same number of bases as the batter on a base hit and only if forced on a walk.
• Pitching: Every player in the lineup must pitch one inning (3 outs). No one may pitch more than 3 innings in a regulation game. (All-female teams are exempted). Pitches may be overhand or sidearm only. No underhand or windmill deliveries allowed.
• Switch Hitting: Keep that Willie Stargell stance fresh…all MALE players must take at least three complete plate appearances from each side of the plate (or 6 PAs evenly divided for three-man teams). Wearing a skirt won’t help, we’ll check the plumbing if we have to…
• Extra Innings: All extra innings will begin with the bases loaded. Extra innings are untimed.
• Umpiring: Play is self-regulated. Pitchers will call check-swings and interference; Hitters will call fair or foul balls; Fielders will make line calls. Be cool or we will be forced to smite thee.
• Special Situations: Double Play rule and Sacrafice fly rules remain in effect.
  Games are now timed…call it the “Buttermaker” rule. 62 games must be played in one day, so intentional slow play is cause for forfeiture.
• Atmosphere: It ain’t the “World Serious.” This is a “fun” tournament for a charitable cause. Some players are very good. Most are not. Beginners and veterans are all welcome.  A sense of humor is a must as “Fatty-style” play is expected. UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED and may be cause for expulsion.
• Awards: Are given to Champions, Fat Bastard Champs, Best Team Name, Most Valuable Player, Golden Wing (best pitcher), Big Stick (best hitter), Good Hands (best defense) and Home Run Champ. The 2009 Hall of Fame will also be inducted.

Spectators, friends, family and fans over the age of 21 are all welcome.
Best of luck to all! We’ll see you in August!!!